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I Think I’m Pregnant…

April 9, 2008

*This post contains semi-adult terms… Viewer discretion is advised. I usually put pictures on my posts but I purposely did not put any in this post for the sole purpose of not giving away my intention in this post. And as mentioned before, it’s a bit “adult-y”.*

I have a big hunch that I am pregnant (again). I know everyone thinks that I’m excited and happy, because this will be my second one if ever, but please save the congratulatory greetings… I’m not really ready to hear them yet.

I once promised myself that I will not get pregnant again unless my family is financially and emotionally ready… I don’t even have the money yet to payback the expenses that my parents paid for my labor, that’s the main reason why I’m working right now. So if I’m indeed pregnant, then I’m as good as dead.

My parents advised me to at least wait a FEW YEARS before conceiving another one… Little do they know, that I may be carrying that “another one” right now…

I am a month delay. At first I wasn’t afraid because I have an irregular menstrual flow which sometimes delays for not more than 2 months. But I wanted to make sure so I went to my OB-Gynecologist, and asked her about my condition…

She let me took a pregnancy test… The result: 2 lines, with one of them slightly faded. She told me that that means that I’m pregnant… No matter if it is faded or not, just as long as there is a second line, then that means I’m pregnant….

Spare the congratulations… Thanks in advance. But as of now, I’m crying it off (again). I just don’t want to be pregnant again…

I know most of you will tell me that we (me and my husband) made it… BUT again, it is an accident. If you think that we didn’t learn from our first mistake, we did. This second one was because of lack of knowledge about sperm development… We didn’t know that WHILE a man is pumping… there is a chance that his fluids are already coming out WITHOUT HIM FEELING IT. So that is where we made another mistake… The first one was we didn’t know that a man’s fluid can still be coming out even AFTER ejaculating.

So basically, we didn’t know that a man’s fluid can come out BEFORE and AFTER he ejaculates without him feeling it. That literally means that if someone (like me) don’t have any sex education… chances are there are two babies that will be conceived: the BEFORE and AFTER.

You ask me now what my plan is… To be honest, I’m having thoughts of aborting the baby… Seriously. But now, I think I’ll just continue the baby. Making sure that I will not ask help from my parents for financial support anymore, and prove to them that I’m capable (even though I’m honestly not).

I have a prayer though: Almighty Lord, I know that You are giving me a blessing… But You, of all the beings, know that I am not ready for it. Why me? Why not those who really want to conceive but are not blessed enough to have one? Can You just transfer the blessing to them? I know that it is bad to refuse a blessing especially from You, but what food will I give the blessing? What kind of support can I give? You know very well that I’m having a financial crisis on my first blessing… Why? Why me? I guess this is my payment for ALL the bad things that I’ve done previously. -AMEN-

  1. hi sis, i know how you feel, i am a product of early marriage before. at takot akong masundan si ishi, not because of anything else, but because financially hindi pa handa at saka walang mag aalaga…

    but dont worry, God will lead the way for you and your family…

  2. hi Mars! This must be a hard time for you. but it’s really right to feel this way. what’s important is the decision to fight for this little soul despite the hardship. i believe in the end you won’t regret your actions today. and I know God appreciates your honesty to Him. want to share a scripture to u Philippians 4:4-7 4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

  3. don’t do any drastic decisions yet, but it is good that you realized that you shouldn’t be doing what you feel like the solution for the moment…be strong

  4. Hi there… Chin up, girl. Aaby is ot something bad to make you suffer for something you did on your past. Jus calm down. Personally I’m against abortion, but I’m not here to judge, because each person knows what’s going on inside and no one is better than the other. Just take deepbreaths before taking any decisions. Anyway, independently what you do, rememer you’re stronger than you think. Whatever you do, you’ll have support. Kisses from Nydia.

  5. hi there… i felt that also before..
    and talking to god too.asking why me, but you know what, its really a blessing . don’t think where you will get the food for your baby and some expenses.always think that there is god and he knows what he is doing to you. be patient and leave all to him, i am telling you he will give you all your needa.just TRUST him.i know, you might be thinking its so easy for me telling you this. but believe me, i experienced some things that god made and gave to me…i want to share this belief to you..be strong and accept what god is giving you..
    take care always…
    xoxo

  6. @mommy reese: yeah… I’m still having doubts in aborting the kiddo… but most likely, I will not continue the abortion… I’d rather keep it.

  7. @nydia: thank you very much… the words “I am stronger than I think” makes me feel that I am stronger. 🙂

  8. @yesha: i guess He really has His own way of challenging each and everyone of us. I think this is just another mere challenge that He is giving me.

  9. i haven’t been here since i knew you were busy. anyway, just don’t do anything against the baby. he (i think it’s a he….) will not bring you anything bad but all the Lord’s favor. just take care of him and yourself. you can do it!!

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