I have a big hunch that I am pregnant (again). I know everyone thinks that I’m excited and happy, because this will be my second one if ever, but please save the congratulatory greetings… I’m not really ready to hear them yet.
I once promised myself that I will not get pregnant again unless my family is financially and emotionally ready… I don’t even have the money yet to payback the expenses that my parents paid for my labor, that’s the main reason why I’m working right now. So if I’m indeed pregnant, then I’m as good as dead.
My parents advised me to at least wait a FEW YEARS before conceiving another one… Little do they know, that I may be carrying that “another one” right now…
I am a month delay. At first I wasn’t afraid because I have an irregular menstrual flow which sometimes delays for not more than 2 months. But I wanted to make sure so I went to my OB-Gynecologist, and asked her about my condition…
She let me took a pregnancy test… The result: 2 lines, with one of them slightly faded. She told me that that means that I’m pregnant… No matter if it is faded or not, just as long as there is a second line, then that means I’m pregnant….
Spare the congratulations… Thanks in advance. But as of now, I’m crying it off (again). I just don’t want to be pregnant again…
I know most of you will tell me that we (me and my husband) made it… BUT again, it is an accident. If you think that we didn’t learn from our first mistake, we did. This second one was because of lack of knowledge about sperm development… We didn’t know that WHILE a man is pumping… there is a chance that his fluids are already coming out WITHOUT HIM FEELING IT. So that is where we made another mistake… The first one was we didn’t know that a man’s fluid can still be coming out even AFTER ejaculating.
So basically, we didn’t know that a man’s fluid can come out BEFORE and AFTER he ejaculates without him feeling it. That literally means that if someone (like me) don’t have any sex education… chances are there are two babies that will be conceived: the BEFORE and AFTER.
You ask me now what my plan is… To be honest, I’m having thoughts of aborting the baby… Seriously. But now, I think I’ll just continue the baby. Making sure that I will not ask help from my parents for financial support anymore, and prove to them that I’m capable (even though I’m honestly not).
I have a prayer though: Almighty Lord, I know that You are giving me a blessing… But You, of all the beings, know that I am not ready for it. Why me? Why not those who really want to conceive but are not blessed enough to have one? Can You just transfer the blessing to them? I know that it is bad to refuse a blessing especially from You, but what food will I give the blessing? What kind of support can I give? You know very well that I’m having a financial crisis on my first blessing… Why? Why me? I guess this is my payment for ALL the bad things that I’ve done previously. -AMEN-