Are Changes Permanent?

I just recently got myself the first season of Sex and the City and it was so addicting that I watched the whole season in one sitting! It may be considered as an adult series, but come to think of it, you can actually learn a lot by watching the series.

I found myself relating to one of the issues that Laney (one of the minor characters in SATC) was encountering on one of the series. It was the change of your persona whenever you get married. Ever wondered when you were still single, you always start your sentence with an “I”, (“I” love this food, “I” love the movie, “I” hate this and that), but when you get married, that “I” turns to “We”? It’s as if you can’t just leave your partner alone. It’s as if you get literally attached to each other, even though sometimes you have to sacrifice things just to compensate the “we”.

I know that marriage is a big turn in life, a big change of events, a big sacrifice of yourself. A person tends to sway away from his / her usual self and sacrifice his/her usual lifestyle because he/she is married. It boggled Carey – the leading actress in SATC and who is a newspaper column writer – as she thought if it really does change someone’s identity when you become married.

As it gave Carey the confusion, I was also thinking about my “change”. It got me thinking… And somehow, it made me realize that I did gradually change my self-being ever since I got married. As I think about my past, I just wasn’t the old me anymore. I’m not even close to the old me. I miss just being able to go out with my bestfriends and have a game of DotA. Although I can play with them over the internet, it just feels different now. I can’t play like I used to. It’s as if, someone is watching over me while I play in front of my laptop. It’s not as if I’m doing something wrong, but I just don’t like the feeling that I’m being watched at while I’m playing. It kinda bothers me. Another major change that kinda ticks me off is that the fact that I’m married with a kid and my batchmates aren’t. It just goes to show that I’m just too young for this. I never got to enjoy life. I never even got the chance to enjoy my life after college! It’s just unfair. Really unfair.

While my friends are able to do almost anything they want, I can’t, because I’m a mom now. I have responsibilities to take care of. I can’t use my money for what I want, because I’m a mom now. I have to be as thrifty as I could. I have to plan for the future of my baby, her necessities, her check-ups, her school, her college. Yes, I am planning her schooling as soon as now. I don’t want to be begging for money from my parents AGAIN for her tuition fees. I swear, never again shall I ask for money from my parents for my family. It just destroys my well-protected pride ever since I was a kid. Although as of now, I don’t have any face to show my parents anymore, especially to my dad. I can’t even look straight at him now. The fact that we owe him a lot of money ever since we got married makes me want to just stop living my usual life and just think on ways on how to make money.

Okay, I know that I should grow up. I should face reality. I should not complain at all. But, you just don’t know how strict my parents were when I was still studying. I never experienced the usual highschool and college life that most have experienced (having fun, outing with friends, dancing in a bar, etc.) It was always study, study and more study. Playing games online with my friends was the only fun I had. I really want to at least experience those. But I just can’t now. All because I’m a mom now…

Are these changes permanent? Will I forever stay at home? Will I ever get the chance to live the “college graduate life”?

One Reply to “Are Changes Permanent?”

  1. Life has its ups and downs moments. Is the facts of life. I always count my blessings. For GOD has given me health so that I can take care of the people that I love, especially my 2 little girls. We have great responsibilities as parents, money is always a problem.

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