Momhood Moments

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Am I Doomed?

June 4, 2008

I feel like I need to get out of this life. I feel like my life is on the verge of going nowhere. I feel like I need to be left alone…

I want to be free of problems for a while. Free from all the mind boggling problems that I somehow have to solve on my own. I am a coward yes, but I won’t give up the fight just yet… Although I really want to have a good rest from all the miseries that I’ve been going through for the past few days, before I go on with the battle. Just like in real war, I need to refresh my ammos and my rations first before I enter the battlefield.

So what is this fuss all about? I’m having a big financial crisis right now, due to my unexpected D&C situation. I used up all my money INCLUDING my capital for my little loading business. Now I am buried alive by the debts that I need to pay as soon as possible. My dad is even thinking of sending me out of his house so that we will not be a burden on his part anymore. He is right though… He pays our monthly bills, including the internet bill, and all we have to worry about are the expenses for baby Julie. But somehow, I don’t know why our money isn’t still enough? Maybe I really need to be strict on budgeting now. Especially now that my dad wants me out for good. 🙁 It really hurts me to know that my dad could even think of doing that, but I guess it’s just his way of training me for the harshness of life. He keeps blaming me for marrying a good-for-nothing guy, and that if I hadn’t marry someone like him, I will not be in a mess like this, not to mention pulling them into the mess I made.

I am now unable to work due to my condition… Which means that I cannot even help my family save up money to pay up my debts… It may sound like it is nothing to you, but judging me won’t do me and you any good. So if you think that you have something negative to tell me about my problem, just keep it to yourself and maybe bring it up after I resolve this problem. For now, I just need comfort. BADLY…

I need money!!! Desperate times call for desperate measures. T______T I just want to cry this all out!

  1. i’m sorry you seem so down at the moment. i can understand what you’re going through. your dad might be hard, but like what you’ve said, he might just be teaching you how to stand on your own.

    just be strong and don’t loose hope.

    god bless!

  2. maybe what you are going through right now is just a test, and for a good reason… just don’t give up, everything will be alright, when you least expect it! God bless!

  3. sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through right now, chit. hey, you can always turn to me if need anything. 🙂 you’ve helped me out before, it’s time for me to return the favor. 🙂

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